Creating The Sex Lives We Want
Creating the sex lives we want is really no different then creating any other part of our lives. It might though take on a different quality because of the beliefs and experiences we’ve acquired when it comes to intimacy, sex, love and desire. We need to drive our awareness below the surface of those beliefs & past experiences to uncover and discover our passion underneath.
Passion is the raw element inside all of us that drives our creative and sexual desires and when expressed is quite wondrous. For some people, engaging with the full & diverse range of their passion and sexuality can at first feel overwhelming. But when we add intentionality and practice to the expression of that force within us, we’re able to slow down. In this state we get to discover ourselves from a new perspective and create what I actually call a Relationship with our Sex.
When I first began exploring my relationship with my sex I was guided by my first teacher to take it on as research. That may sound cold-hearted, especially when love is often included in the expression of our sexuality. But for my purposes, having just gone through a divorce I realized that I had been afraid to explore my sexual desires so I rushed into relationship to avoid the discomfort of feeling my fear. For me taking on the approach of researching my sex was perfect. It supported me in not attaching judgments to my desires and feelings. My purpose was to learn about myself and get to know my sex so I could have more freedom in my life and feel fully self-expressed.
As a Sensuality Life Coach I guide people in creating the sex lives they want and it always starts with the same question. What do you want? What are your desires? From there I have people write out a complete description of the sex lives they want, in as much detail as possible. It can be done in a paragraph form but I recommend using a list format with specificity being the highest goal. The more specific we are, the easier it is to understand our desires and get to know them. I also suggest that people write in a stream of consciousness style using a timer that is set for 10 minutes and just write. Let everything out & don’t think about spelling, grammar or if it makes any sense.
When beginning to take on creating our sex lives I remind people that the most important first step is the practice of getting to know our sexual desires in their unedited expression. For me, there was also a tremendous value in finding a teacher who had been on the journey I wanted to take. I took a teacher and let myself be guided to get to know the undiscovered parts of my sexuality and the emotions that go with it. Ultimately this is how I can experience the freedom that comes with having a relationship with my sex. That just leaves us with this question, what is the relationship with your sex that you want?